Man Flu

Man Flu

(or Mannus Influenzus), the truths and facts.

Man flu is no myth (according to the telegraph, 24^th March 2010), but there are a few mysteries surrounding it which I hope this little offering will dispel.

To start with the basics, there are several layers to the common cold... There is...

“The Sniffles” caught by girls young children and the elderly.

“The Common Cold” anyone can catch this one

“Man Flu”, caught by men (the clues in the title really!)

This is a general outlay but based in “medical fact”**!!! In addition it makes NO difference if you are gay or straight, Man Flu will strike down Arnold Schwarzenegger just as easy as Graham Norton!

Man Flu (the most serious affliction in this category) it’s self can be broken down into three main groups...

Stage 1 – still able to function on a basic level, work becomes difficult, and the extensive help around the house (taking the rubbish out and hovering the living room) is not recommended. However basic functions like watching the TV and going to the pub can still be performed!

Stage 2 – movement becomes limited to the living room, TV is recommended, Alcohol is still possible but Pub visits are now out of the question, home cooked meals, beer or whiskey should be served, as required, walking should not be encouraged due to risk of dizzy spells!

Stage 3 – All movement from the bedroom is now impossible, favourite food must be served in bed, even alcohol is not wanted! This stage is very rare and must be treated with all the care and attention your wife/girlfriend or mother can muster.

These emergencies in a man’s life need to be supported, as indeed he would support with care and consideration if it were the other way around, by the woman in his life. As soon as Man Flu has been diagnosed the emergency services must be called, NOT 999, after all we are not ones to complain as anyone knows, but the number of your girlfriend/wife or mother.

The advantage of calling mother for her is that she gets to relive when you were four and poorly, and gets to say “he still needs his mummy”,  the advantage to you is you get your toast cut into solders and your boiled eggs are done correctly!

The advantage of calling your girlfriend/wife (or both) is obvious, and I don’t need to spell it out surely!

I am of course in no way being sexist in saying that it is only a woman’s job to look after a sick man, but purely scientific logic, as Man Flu is not transmittable to a woman it seems only logical precaution to reduce the risk of spreading the infection to another man by using a woman!

In conclusion Man Flu needs to be fully understood, diagnosed and appreciated by woman kind, after all we are always understanding when you have a problem, we will remove ourselves to a safe distance, the pub, and sympathetically talk and ask the advice of our mates and guru (the barman).

I hope this has manage to clear up any misunderstanding, If you have any questions please leave a comment and I will endeavour to answer all serious enquires!

** All “Medical Facts” are true and scientifically proven with the exception of the ones I made up!